BUT ... since we last .... well, whatever WE did ... I started a new job. (Yes, yes, thank you.) I now work for a "retail and promotions" agency in Downtown Dallas. I'll leave the name unknown for security reasons. I am a highly-respectable (ahem) Administrative Assistant. Hey, it's a start. The company, though, is fabulous. Although I am a reasonably well-paid gofer, I really enjoy the work and the community. Everyone is super-cool.
I'm not going to bore you with the mundane details of my work, but a few obstacles have presented themselves these past few weeks. My main issue is the family-career balance. I'm pretty sure this is everybody's main problem, unless, of course, they don't have family obligations. But I do.
I had my son, Mason, while I was in college. Being a young parent is especially hard, because you haven't really achieved anything career-wise. No sense of accomplishment exists. Your main claim to fame at age 22 is getting promoted to Assistant Manager at Blockbuster, or something spiffy like that. So, a legitimate career post-college is really important for most of your 20's. The job market is so competitive straight out of college, especially in this economy, so having virtually no experience in whatever you want to segue into does not help. Neither does a college degree, apparently. (Okay, maybe a little.) But having a child PLUS all of the other insecurities that come with post-grad life make everything a bit harder on the nerves.
Anyhoo, at 22, I am still in ME mode. I still want to hang out with my friends, I want to work 50 hours a week and make lots of money. So, I kept on with college, not completely in false hope, but nonetheless ... Mason went to daycare while I was in school, pretty much 9-5. He did fine, aside from perpetual snot-nose. So, I graduate from college (woohoo!), move back in with the 'rents, and look for a job, which was no easy feat, mind you. (To apply online or hit the pavement? That is the question.) I must have been home with Mason everyday for three months ... at least. He LOVED it.
Well, I get this job, and guess what? Little man is going back to school. But I tried to even out family/friend time by putting him in daycare Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays Mason hangs out with Grammy and Aunt Ka-Ka. I thought he would like daycare. He's a sociable guy, you know. I was wrong. Every time I pick him up from daycare or come home from work, he cries when he sees me. My mom says he looks at my stuff during the day and says, in the most pathetic way possible, "Mommy...," even to my saline solution. Sad, huh?
I mean, come on. What mother wouldn't feel horrible? I know he'll get over it, but in the meantime, I'm feeling kind of neglectful. I'm not. I realize this. The alternative is staying home and coddling him all day. No thanks. But there's not really an even balance between work and family. If somebody has it, please clue me in. You can't support your family financially AND stay home whenever you want. If so, you are a freak of nature, and I'm really jealous.
At this age, and for a little while longer, Mason won't understand the importance of me working and how it positively affects his life. By the time he's used to this, he won't even care that I'm gone. So I wonder ... Are kids trained by us not to care that we're gone for 8-12 hours of the day? You only see your parents a few hours a day, and that's just how it is. You're not supposed to see your family as much as your friends. That hardly seems conducive to a healthy lifestyle. And then the cycle continues with your children believing that they need to spend most of their day at work and not home. Don't get me wrong - I support ME time, career time, and all of the above. Except I can't help but notice that family is sacrificed because of our agendas.
But I know that it's my responsibility to instill a sense of family obligation in my son. Regardless of how much time we are able to spend together, that time should be cherished more than our time working or with friends or at the gym or cleaning the house. The end.
