I've read enough best-novels-of-all-time lists to realize I should have maybe sort of considered reading those books I was assigned in high school and college. Meh .... I was too busy being cool and perusing obscure books that nobody else read because they were too busy writing essays on The Scarlet Letter every semester. (A couple of asides: What is it with teachers and The Scarlet Letter? Jesus Christ. Also just for clarification, I have read The Scarlet Letter, but I refuse to do so more than once. Murder.)
Now I always have a book handy, so one would assume that I've read, say, 1984. Negative. I'm still in that reading-obscure-books phase, and 1984 still hasn't made it onto my to-read list. The only reason it would even make it on "the list" is shame. If somebody asks me if I've read it, I have to lie and say "Psssssshhhh, who hasn't?" And I cross my fingers that they don't launch into some opinion quest, because then I have to resort to my recited Sparknotes dialogue about the dangers of totalitarianism. But regardless of all the shame, I will never read 1984. Not only have I heard enough about it from everybody else who's read it (and I mean everybody) but I won't be caught dead reading that on the train. How provincial!
So I'm letting it all hang out. Here's a list of all the books I should have read by now but never will:
1. 1984
2. Animal Farm
3. Beloved
4. Catch-22
5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
6. To Kill A Mockingbird (Oh, sweet shame! Hey, I watched at least 20 minutes of the movie.)
7. Brave New World
8. Farenheit 451
9. The Old Man and the Sea (I've read every other Hemingway novel but refuse to touch this.)
10. The Red Badge of Courage
11. Moby Dick
12. The Color Purple
See? That wasn't so bad. I've been walking around for the past decade carrying this heavy sense of guilt on my shoulders. But who cares what I haven't read, because I have read a lot of really complex-for-the-sake-of-being-complex and confusing-so-everybody-else-will-think-I'm-eccentric-and-way-smarter-than-them books that most people wouldn't come within a 10-mile radius of (2666, anyone? My poor brain is twitching at the thought of it.)
Now I know I'm not the only person to have a guilt list of books they've never read. What do you feel stupid for never reading? Speak up! It feels grrrr-eat!
